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Author Topic: Outsoucing President job to India  (Read 470 times)

AccuracyIT

  • Guest
Outsoucing President job to India
« on: August 05, 2007, 04:34:27 pm »
Subject: US Congress announces outsourcing President to India


July 2, 2007: Washington, DC (AP) -- Congress today
announced that the office of President of the United
States of America will be outsourced to India as of
July 31, 2007.

The move is being made in order to save the
President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record
$521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related
overhead that the office has incurred during the
last 5 years. "We believe this is a wise financial
move.

The cost savings are huge," stated Congressman
Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot remain competitive
on the world stage with the current level of cash
outlay," Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his
termination. Preparations for the job move have been
underway for some time.

Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India
will assume the office of President as of July 1,
2007.

Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his
Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY,
thus making him eligible for the position. He
will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no
health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle
his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due
to the time difference between the US and
India, he will be working primarily at night, when
few offices of the US Government will be open.
"Working nights will allow me to keep my day
job at the Dell Computer call center," stated Mr.
Singh in an exclusive interview.

"I am excited about this position. I always hoped I
would be President." A Congressional spokesperson
noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of
all the issues involved in the office of President,
this should not be a problem as President Bush had
never been familiar with the issues either.

Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will
enable him to respond effectively to most topics of
concern. Using these canned responses, He can
address common concerns without having to understand
the underlying issue at all. "We know these scripting
tools work," stated the spokesperson. "President
Bush has used them successfully for years, with
the result that some people actually thought he knew
what he was talking about."

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and
salary until his final day of employment. Following a
two week waiting period, he will be eligible for
$140 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately
he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his
unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided with the outplacement
services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume
and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties
in securing a new position due to a lack of any
successful work experience during his lifetime. A
Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to
Bush's extensive experience at shaking hands, as well
as his special smile.